What lies beneath

Some days it’s harder than others to fight the good fight and remember how much has been overcome. I am not my trauma and my history doesn’t define me. I wholeheartedly believe that will a little bit of grace and compassion, one can ground themselves back in the reality that the human experience isn’t perfect nor linear. I woke up today feeling all the angst. Which is crazy… after a weekend of camping, family bonding, and being one with nature. The paddle board reminded me to center myself and look to the distance. It’s not about what’s behind you or beside you. It’s breath work, focus, and mindset. If you need therapy, get a paddle board. Many people often remind me of my strength, resilience, and how loved I am. In a mind where PTSD and OCPD take over, those reminders are pivotal. Ones that are often a saving grace in a swirling mind that attempts to drown the best. When I got home I watched the Lindsay Clancy trial. I happen to be utterly consumed by this case that it rooted in mental health issues, and what it is to not have support. I also tend to imagine possible or maybe impossible theories that circle the web (not so far fetched in my most humbled opinion). A sad trial of a woman desperately seeking help and being failed every step of the way. This case likely doesn’t help my anxiety as I navigate my own mental health struggles as they come and go. It has been a great reminder to care for myself, be honest with myself, and lean on the support from the many people who love me and understand my own personal experience. No I’m not hungry, but yes I’ll take eggs for breakfast. No I don’t feel beautiful, but I’ll take thirty minutes to do my hair and makeup. Yes I’m tired, and today I’ll choose sleep. One step, one day, one week at a time. There’s nothing wrong with self advocacy. There’s nothing wrong with saying “today isn’t my greatest day” and that’s okay because not every day will be. Today I will go home, work out, make dinner, and allow myself rest.

If you yourself are struggling, remember to be kind to yourself. Remember to nourish your body and mind. Remember this too shall pass.

🫶🏻 El